106 posts from 2006

What's your favorite holiday movie?

for several years, it has been A Christmas Story based on the growing up memories and stories of the inimitable Jean Shepard.  ACS is mos'def "Christmas as seen through the eyes of a child".  consider exhibit A:

A-Christmas-Story-bunny

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who among us cant'relate to getting an awful outfit from
a relative and being forced to wear it?

granted, most of us didn't get a bunny outfit (in pink, nacht).
but we recognize Ralphie's despair: 

"Aunt Clara had for years not only perpetually labored under the delusion that I was 4 years old, but also a girl."

this year viewing will be bittersweet, as is hard to forget "the old man"
passed away earlier this year.  sweet dreams, old man: and may there be
no bloodhounds anywhere within you sight or hearing.



ACS is getting some competition, though.  Bad Santa / Badder Santa has all the makings of a holiday must-watch.
consider:

Badder santa

fqotd :  which Christmas movie absolutely, positively sets your teeth on edge and could possibly lead you to murder were you forced to watch it one. more. fucking. time. ?

A: at the risk of pissing off Aubrey and be subjected to a punnic barrage, the one Christmas movie I most dislike is It's a Wonderful Life.  teh barf.  

NOTE: today's fqotd is late.  we've been driving all day and now greet you from the loverly redneck riviera.  feel free to die with envy.
on to business.  today, a twofer  (thanks to teh SO for the suggestion)

fqotd 1:  did Santa ever tried to touch you in your "bathing suit" parts?  credit to Redzilla on some thread I cant'locate right now
and/or
fqotd 2: did you ever see mommy "kissing Santa Claus"or worse?  credit to someone NOT Brown Amazon who posted a song ( I think)  I can't find right now

A 1:   nope.  not me.  what kinda girl you take me for?

A 2:  again, nope.  I'll have you know my mommy doesnt' do "those things"

this one goes out to all my peeps

fqotd : have you ever opened a gift and thought "that's fucking worthless" ?

A: not as often as I used to.  I mean, I aint' no freakin' kung-fu master of regifting, but I do not hide my dislike of gifts-of-obligation.  so everybody happy.  the few gifts I get, I like.  the exception (and it happens rarely) is when I am given a giftcard.  me no likey giftcards.* if you give me one, you might as well tell me "I care so fucking little about you I couldn't be bothered to spend 10 minutes thinking of something you may enjoy"

so, to summarize:
- don't get me a present. I don't expect it, I don't want it, and I didn't get you nothing
- if you must ignore the above, at least do me the courtesy of pretending to know something about me; it don't take a fucking rocket scientist to know that booze, for example, is always welcomed chez Mariser.
go away, already.  have a merry fucking Christmas.

* a comment by the fabulous ms. crankypants has made me rethink my "fuck giftcards" rule.  restaurant giftcards.   they are a good way to get a giftee to, for example, try a restaurant they wouldn't have otherwise.

from the brilliant mind of Frank Costanza, comes Festivus.  a holiday which is...

the OK cupid brutally honest personality test Crackpot - INTJ 26% Extraversion, 53% Intuition, 53% Thinking, 53% Judging

People hate you. Paris Hilton hates Nicole Richie. Lex Luther hates Superman. Garfield hates Mondays. But none these even rates against the insurmountable hate, people have for you. I mean, you're pretty damn clever and you know it. You love to flaunt your potential. Heard the word "arrogant" lately? How about "jerk?" Or perhaps they only say that behind your back. That's right. I know I can say this cause you're not going to cry. You're not exactly the most emotional person. You'd rather spend time with your theoretical questions and abstract theories than with other people. Ever been kissed? Ever even been on a date? Trust me, your inflated ego is a complete turnoff with the opposite sex and I am telling you, you're not that great with relationships as it is. You're never going to be a dude or chick magnet, purely because you're more concerned with yourself than others. Meh. They all hate you already anyway. How about this- "stubborn?" Hrm? Heard that lately? All those facts which don't fit your theories must just be wrong, right? I mean, really, the vast amounts of time you spend with your head in the clouds...you're just plain strange. ***************** If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this. ***************** The other personality types are as follows... Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

darn.  these  OK  Cupid tests can be kind of close.

today's fqotd comes courtesy of the VoxHunt, more or less.

fqotd : "is there someone, that if you never see them again, it'll be too fucking soon? if there is a chance [shudder] they may darken your path, what are your strategies to avoid them?"

A:  I ran out this morning and just now realized I left the fqotd unanswered.  sorry 'bout that.
 the winner is MyEvilGrandMother(tm)*, my dad's mom.  one truly fucked-up person.  who among many others, fucked-up my dad, who had the misfortune of being her first-born.  I think I cried like a baby the day I realized that my poor, unhappy, miserable dad had been dealt a truly lousy deck.

*my mom's mom was and is MyGoodGrandMother(tm). a sweeter, most loving and most beloved granma you could not ever find. the last time I remember collapsing in tears was when I found our she died (over 10 years ago); the only previous time I remember crying like that was when her husband, my grandfather, died.  they were the most wonderful grandparents a child could ever wish for, I was lucky to have lived with them during part of my childhood.  they influenced me in ways I still barely understand. but for which I am forever grateful.

edit 12/21/2006@1930:  added answer to fqotd

aaah.  I gets it now.

Tedhaggard

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