another sleepless night
the second in as many weeks. I should choose better reading material before bedtime.
but no. instead I was online reading David Lipsky's Rolling Stone piece on David Foster Wallace. very painful to read. and then, to make it worse, read an interview with Lipsky. In that interview Lipsky is asked why there doesn't seem to be anger towards DFW for committing suicide from his family and friends. This is Lipsky's reply:
"I think that anyone who had seen him in the last year saw a human being in incredible pain. So I think that they just understood — I think they thought it was terrible that the new drugs hadn't worked, and the Nardil didn't work when he returned to it. But there was no anger at all. His sister Amy said that she knew David wouldn't have done this to them if he could have found any way not to. I thought that was great and moving, you know. People just felt for him. They felt horrible knowing someone they loved was in that situation, that amount of pain."
is hard to comprehend that amount of pain.
and then I came across DFW's autopsy report via The Smoking Gun. there was a comment that he had bound his wrists with duct tape before hanging himself. it actually took me a moment to figure out why.
Comments
As much as suicide has made some very dark marks on my life, I think it's a bit cruel that our culture has such a horror of suicide.
indeed. to realize that suicide may be the most rational act takes understanding and compassion.
I think we are able to reach that understanding when someone we love is the late stages of an incurable physical illness; we have still a way to go when dealing with incurable psychic illnesses.
I hope your sleepless nights get better soon.
But I see Wallace as being like an animal who chews its foot off to free itself from a trap: only it was his life he bit off.
Hope you sleep better tonight.
The only thing that keeps me asleep at night is the tv which I leave on all night. Maybe the tv keeps my mind occupied, allowing my body to sleep?
(( hugs to my friend mariser ))
&:o)
thanks jaypo! I'll look for it. I think we are going to get a Whole Foods here now that WF bought Wild Oats.
I have a prescription med to help me sleep, but I hate taking it; it works, but I'm a zombie the rest of the day.
ygrs, thanks, sweetie. when I'm sick I leave the TV on and drift in and out of sleep.
sakura, I picked up Infinite Jest, read it for a bit and put it back down. never could get into DFW's fiction but enjoyed his nonfiction work. couldn't agree more that for those of us living with depression, "learning to live with the bad days" is about the best we can hope for.
And read fluffy bunny stories before bed. Or kitty. littlem needs to publish the Tales of the Miao Brothers for us all to read at bedtime.
leave the TV on some station that isn't talking about depressing stuff. or try the radio. we get satellite radio along with our TV, so I'll put on a comforting station with no ads or DJ, just music. set a good CD on infinite repeat.
there's always warm milk or chamomile tea, allergies permitting.
Sometimes, before I go to sleep, I review just a few little things that I'm grateful for--my warm blankie, the pig who gave me my pork chop dinner, the book I'm reading. It works for me, to relax and fall asleep in a state of gratitude.
Before I fall asleep, I try to allay any fears I have and find even just a few things to be thankful for--my warm blankie, the pig who provided my pork chop for dinner, running water (as long as it's not on my floor). It works well for me, even if I'm in a bad mood. LT's suggestions will all put you in that cozy place.